I'll admit, I've been waiting to write this blog post for some time. From when I decided to leave my job to when I actually did (last week!), I've run circles in my head about why exactly this move felt right. And yet, I still don't know if I've hit the core. But these months have given me clarity - and my exit interview, a reason to pinpoint it. And I think it starts here:
We are all sold the myth.
We are meant to go from school to uni to endless, exploitative internships to the ultimate light at the end of the tunnel - a job. Yes, despite all odds; despite all the endless lecturers and research and words on the street that tell you that the job market is increasingly diminishing and we're just not able to keep up, the myth never wavers. You've got to get that job.
So, if you happen to stay the path and reach that pinnacle job, what's next?
Sure, you love it for a while. It's amazing, it's new, it's what you thought you'd never be able to get to. You wander around in a dream of wander and awe that this is what they call that elusive adulthood. You're overly grateful, overly willing to take the punches because you just can't believe your luck.
This probably lasts - maybe it should've. But, for me, the cracks started to show. The doubts started to creep in like a sickness, making me question every move I made to get to this point.
Did I just land this job by accident? Is this really what I want to be doing? There was this awful, sick feeling of reaching the plateau of adulthood and realising that this was it. That, with whatever happiness or satisfaction, this is it. It was always my greatest fear, settling in a life I had not chosen. But had I just blindly fallen into one?
But this fear led to a lot of reflection and consultation - and a huge shoutout to the friends and colleagues who were there for me. Eventually, this became clarity; and the eventual decision to move on and seek new adventures.
Frankly, I must admit, it took a shit ton of courage to come to this point and I'm kind of proud that I made it here. Somehow, you have to remind yourself enough to believe these doubts and whatever the consequential actions you take are normal and right.
Many easily question millennials - who are we to complain? Who are we to give up?
But I'm exactly who I was brought up to be. I'm a kid who dared to dream and realised that dream could be in my grasp. I don't regret a minute I spent at my old job; I don't have any negativity towards my time there. But taking that first step from just landing a job to chasing after a dream one was a necessary part of this thing we call "adulting."